Raise th' Sealin'
Ever'where I been the last few days, folks is all talkin' about somethin' called th' Debt Sealin'. Best I c'n tell, the gover'ment has got bills t' pay, an' they don't want t' cough up th' money t' git 'er done without th' President says he won't borry a'nuff t' pay fer stuff they don't think orter be charged t' th' gover'ment. Somethin' like that--I ain't fer sure, since I'm jist a pore root-hawg down here in th' Piney Woods, where most folks don't want nothin' except their share a' th' pork. I been able t' make a fair livin' fer a right smart while bein' Pork Commissioner a' Loo-z-ana, but I don' know how much longer that's gon' last 'less somebody figgers out how t' keep th' smokehouse full.
So, lemme see if I c'n think a' somethin' . . . Ha! It ain't so hard. Best I c'n tell, th' Reps and Sens up in DeeCee get up somethin' like two billion dollars 'mongst hands of 'em t' keep their campaigns goin' full time. An' that don't count what th' losers round up. I reck'n folks runnin' fer President round up maybe another billion. An' we ain't even started countin' what politicians in all th' states gather up fer campaignin' an' what-not. It makes me dizzy t' think about it--why, if all th' money that is bein' spent on political campaignin' fer jist one year's worth a' 'lections, I bet my hat it would come 't . . . Oh, my goodness! A trillion dollars! That would keep th' smokehouse full from now on, an' I could do my job in real style! Pass th' word up t' Mister Bayner and Mister O'Bama. I'll start th' bid by offerin' t' put up my campaign money, 'cause I know they'd all be willin' t' put a year's worth a' theirs fer th' good 'a th' cause, and lower th' Sealin' down t' jist about head high an' we all could git back t' worryin' about th' weather, 'stead 'a lis'enin' t' all that bull gab from smart-mouth Congressmen.