I was snoopin'
aroun' th' Piney Woods Journal office th' other night,
and I h'yeard 'em talkin' about that Piney Woods Profile
thing. It taken'd me a right smart while t' figger out
they wasn't talkin' about a saw sharpener, but it was
somp'n they was writin' about.
Then I caught it! It was all
about doctors, an' medicals, and stuff like that. Well,
they wasn't much I knowed about all 'a that, until I run
up on a li'l ol' piece 'a paper that fell out th'ough a
crack in th' winder that said, "Hillbilly Medical
Now that was what you might call
a co-incidence, since they ain't nobody more hillbilly
than me, and it seemed 't fit right in. So, I figgered I
might 's'well t' let y'all get all th' terms right 'fore
y' go on back 'n read about them doctors and stuff. Here
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria: Back door to the cafeteria.
Barium: What you do with dead folks.
Cesearean Section: A neighborhood in
Catscan: Searching for the cat.
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
D&C: Where Washington is.
Dilate: To live longer than your kids.
Enema: Not a friend.
Fester: Quicker than someone else.
Fibula: A small lie.
G.I. Series: World series of military
Hangnail: What you hang your coat on.
Impotent: Distinguished; well known.
Labor pain: Getting hurt at work.
Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.
Node: I knew it.
Outpatient: A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear: A fatherhood test.
Pelvis: A second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative: A letter carrier.
Recovery Room: A place to do upholstery.
Secretion: Hiding something.
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the
Tumor: More than one.
Urine: Opposite of mine.
Hospital: The biggest building in town,
other than Joe's Feed Warehouse, or Franks Lumber mill.