Dern hobo house cat
I'm callin' a 'mergency meetin' a' th' Steerin' Committee a' th' Southern Root Hog Benevolent Society of Free Rangin' Pork Bearers (SRHBSFRPB) t' take some kind 'a action on competition we gittin ' from a dern hobo house cat that's been taken'd in by that ritin' lady, Mary Hamner over at Castor and made a plumb hero of fer doin' mostly absolutely nothin' but layin' around th' house an' actin' cute an' gittin' his pickcher made.
B'sides havin't'dodge drones an' game wardens settin' out traps an' bad food t' give us a real bellyache, jist t' make a halfway livin,' now we got t' compete fer space in th' paper t' git our story out an' git word t' our contituentcy about things they need t' know t'stay outta trouble.
They's big 'lections comin' up next month, an' I aim t'use my influence as Pork Commissioner 'a Loo-z-ana t' git some commitments fer a few new laws on the books about equal pertection under th' law fer members a'th' SRHBSFRPB. We got our membership on th' grow, an' we c'n deliver th' votes when the chips is down. When th' Root Hogs gits their mind made up, cute cat don't stand a chance.
You read me, RK? We on yore case BAD! Watch yore back. We after equal space, reck-a-nition, an' free watermelons in season.